what day is it and did you see me today?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
a search helicopter?!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
