Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Pooping to opera.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
