i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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