Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Randomize
