there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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