I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize