They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
