Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
