used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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