Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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