i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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