I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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