After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
