I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
