I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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