To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
