Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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