He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
