We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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