Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
