Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
