Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ladies don't puke and tell
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
