i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
