Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Randomize
