Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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