my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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