I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
