my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
