You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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