Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
