On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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