Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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