Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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