OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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