forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
