I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
