Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
