The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
