Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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