Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
