I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
