wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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