batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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