remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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