I feel like I'm in dance class right now
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
