mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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