Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
