Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
being pregnant is like rehab
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
