did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
