i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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