party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
