I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just gargled with NyQuil
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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