babies were throwing up all over the place
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
