Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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