i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i will never coherently bang her
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
