did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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