Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
