I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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