i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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