I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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