Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
