I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
