somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
