matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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