Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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