Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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