he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
