I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
