Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
