the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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