there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
