Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
