So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
